5 Common Statements in IEP Meetings That Should Make Parents Ask More Questions

There are certain statements I hear over and over again when working with families. Some of them sound reassuring. Some sound reasonable. Some are often said with the best intentions.

But these are statements that make me nervous because they can discourage parents from asking important questions or advocating for support their child may need.

Here are five that I hear all the time.

"We are reluctant to label your child so early."

There is no downside to identifying a child with a condition early on.

As long as supports and therapies provided are respectful of who the child is, identification can only be helpful.

It can give a child a sense of identity. It can give them an opportunity to find community. It can help the child and others recognize and honor their needs.

Most importantly, it can provide access to support, accommodations, and teaching that the child needs in order to learn and thrive.

Why do schools hesitate to label?

It could reflect stigma surrounding disability and mental health that can exist even among professionals who work with children with disabilities.

It could reflect concerns about the cost of providing services and supports. While schools are legally required to identify and support eligible students, special education services require resources, staffing, and funding. Parents should remember that cost considerations should never determine whether a child receives needed support, but funding realities do come into play.

It can be a misguided belief that avoiding or hiding knowledge of a child's condition and delaying needed therapies and supports can somehow benefit the child. In the case of autism, in the currrent political climate, there can also be a concern about the implications of the diagnosis. However, I have only heard this latest concern from parents and not from school teams.

"There is no need to add this accommodation or service to the IEP because we are already doing it informally."

Never trade informal support for a formally documented commitment. When accommodations and services are documented on an IEP, the school is responsible for providing them consistently. Parents can hold the school accountable, and parents have a voice in decisions about changing, reducing, or discontinuing support.

Informal supports are different. A change in staff may mean that your child no longer receives the support. If staff members change their minds, parents often have little recourse.

If a support is important enough to provide, it is important enough to document.

"Don't worry. If there is ever a concern about your child struggling, we will reach out right away to let you know."

I wish I could believe this statement. I have worked with wonderful teachers and school teams who proactively raised concerns and put supports in place. But in my experience, that is not what happens most of the time.

More often, I see parents fighting to get valid concerns recognized. In fact, a significant part of my work as an advocate involves helping teams recognize challenges that are already present.

When I hear this statement, I encourage parents to focus on collecting data and monitoring their child's progress closely rather than relying on reassurance alone.

"Yes, your child is struggling academically, but not far enough behind to need support."

This sentence is often a way to get parents to stop asking for support. There is no legal or educational standard called "not far enough behind." These are general words that mean very little unless they are backed by data.

Ask questions. Do you have data showing where my child is performing in reading, writing, or math compared to expectations? Do you have data showing the progress my child has made this school year?

Decisions about support should be based on objective information, not vague descriptions.

"Many children in your child's grade struggle with the same issue. It is perfectly normal."

Autistic children can struggle with the same things as their peers. The difference is that they often struggle for different reasons and may require different solutions.

Many typically developing children will eventually figure certain things out on their own. Autistic children may need explicit teaching, support, and accommodations to develop those same skills.

It is also important to remember that many children with unmet needs remain unidentified. The fact that other children are struggling with the same issue does not automatically mean the concern should be dismissed. Many conditions, such as learning disabilities, are missed, underdiagnosed, and diagnosed very late.

Teachers might be comparing your child to other children with unidentified developmental issues who are also struggling in the same ways. This does not mean that your child's struggles do not require attention. It means that we need better identification processes in place in our schools. For now, just ask your team not to bring other children into the conversation, as you do not know anything about them and their needs.

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Not every school professional who says these things has bad intentions.

However, when you hear statements like these, it is worth slowing down and asking more questions.

Always request data. Schools are required to collect and report progress data. Monitor progress as often as possible and do not wait until the end of the IEP year to ask questions.

Make sure supports are documented. An IEP should function as a free-standing document that reflects all of the accommodations, services, and supports your child receives.

Keep the focus on your child. Other students are not the subject of the meeting. Their needs, strengths, and challenges are unknown to you.

Be polite, but persistent.